The Human Centipede: A crazy surgeon sews three people together ass to mouth just to prove that he can.
The Human Centipede II: A mentally disturbed garage attendant staples ten people together ass to mouth after watching the The Human Centipede.
The Human Centipede III: A fascist prison warden decides to sew 500 inmates together ass to mouth after viewing The Human Centipede II.
I don't have inside information on what the plot of a Human Centipede IV might be, but following the above pattern, I assume it would involve a guy in surgical scrubs sewing 1000 theater-goers together ass to mouth as they wait in line to purchase tickets to Human Centipede III.
Ever since the 1996 release of Wes Craven's teen slasher film Scream, self-aware (or "meta-") horror movies have become a pretty pervasive, and generally entertaining, sub-genre. From the quirky fun of Shaun of the Dead, to the ironic humor of The Cabin In The Woods, the best of these films twist horror movie conventions like Jigsaw's rack trap, all the while winking at savvy horror fans who are in on the joke.
But as with any successful sub-genre (e.g. "found footage," "hair metal," "wife swapping") eventually the law of diminishing returns kicks in and the glut of product results in the green-lighting of more than a few rotting stink-burgers. Tom Six's Human Centipede III is on that menu.
The plot of the original Human Centipede was admittedly preposterous. Try as one might to argue that sewing people together into one long alimentary canal is "100% medically accurate," the premise is still ridiculous. However, what the film's detractors failed to realize (or appreciate) was that this stupidity was actually the point of the movie.
The film follows a conventional template: Seeking shelter from a storm, two young girls unwittingly arrive at the isolated house of a dangerous lunatic, but instead of playing the "human centipede" angle up for laughs, Tom Six runs his characters through familiar mad scientist tropes. By using this ploy, what could have been tedious and farcical (phone call for TUSK on line five, Mr. TUSK pick up line five please) is instead tense and revolting, and in a crowded field of fright films, unique. In the end, the gut-wrenching premise (see what I did there?) is just bait used to lure titillated audiences into experiencing the terror of finding oneself at the mercy of a real mad doctor.
Human Centipede II brings in the meta-factor by making its deranged protagonist an obsessed fan of the first film. The sequel is creepier, darker, and yes, more believable than the Human Centipede. But it still utilizes familiar horror conventions to create a genuine suspension of disbelief. For all it's lips to butts craziness, the movie is a nod to in-the-know horror fans rather than an inside joke gone terribly wrong.Which is where Human Centipede III makes like a whale and blows. (Remember Human Centipede III? This is a review about Human Centipede III.)
Compared to its predecessors, Human Centipede III is a huge disappointment. The conventions that created tension and terror in the first two films are jettisoned. In this movie EVERYTHING is an inside joke. It's as if Six was less interested in engaging his audience in a scary send-up and more interested in running them over with a clown car full of goofy set pieces. (Think Airplane! in Alcatraz and you get the idea.)
From the casting of the first two films' leads in completely different roles, to pushing the eponymous centipede from ten to 500 people, to making Dieter Laser's warden not just psychotic but over-the-top loony tunes (years from now the man will still be picking scenery out of his teeth), the movie loses any shot at being scary and its humor runs dry well before the 30 minute mark.
Of course, there really isn't a way to make a human chain of 500 inmates seem plausible. And if this was a stand alone film and not part of a franchise it probably would have been received better.
But by ignoring the tone of the first two films and going for a more slapstick approach, I'm sorry to say that this final installment of the franchise just leaves a very bad taste in...well.
Let's just say it's not good.
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