March 1, 2018

EATEN ALIVE!

Not Rated
1980
A young woman who looks like a Sears mannequin, along with a scuzzy mercenary who must have gotten too much positive reinforcement as a child, searches the jungles of New Guinea in the hope of rescuing her long lost sister from a cult that has been holding her hostage. After casually watching a woman get EATEN ALIVE! in cannibal territory, they make their way to a camp where they meet the cult's creepy leader Jonas, a petulant beta male who dresses like Mrs. Roper from Three's Company. Hijinks ensue when the cultists sense the end is near and enjoy refreshments of Drano and juice while our fleeing heroes pretend to be in danger of getting caught by painted natives who run after them like diabetes patients who just got in from a smoke break. Poorly acted, poorly scripted, and poorly edited, this film does for horror movies what Tide Pods do for cuisine. Includes a very disturbing scene of a very real monkey being swallowed by a very real snake.             

Eaten Alive! Trailer

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