DEAD SNOW...Cold Day In Helsinki

Dead Snow (Død Snø) (NR) 2009

Norwegian with English subtitles

They're ice cold, they're terrifying, and they murder you so fast you won't even know what hit you.

I'm talking about ski slopes.

What could be more horrific than zipping a hundred miles an hour down a steep mountain pass made of packed snow surrounded by trees and razor sharp pine needles while balancing on two wooden slats and holding long pointy poles? (For the novice skier, these poles are used to stab oneself to death should the pain of fracturing every bone in one's body become unbearable.) Maybe running into a dozen undead Nazis who want to bayonet your face into a sauerbraten would be a little scarier, but not much. 

You can judge for yourself by watching writer/director Tommy Wirkola's fun horror comedy Dead Snow, a little Norwegian film that does for ski vacations what Friday the 13th did for summer camps.

CONTRACTED...Can't Touch This

Contracted (NR) 2013


Sometimes you can tell right away when it's going to be a bad day.

You wake up late. Yank out a couple black fingernails in the shower. Forget to turn on the coffeemaker. Pull tangled clumps of hair out of your brush. Burn the toast. Spit bloody molars into the sink. Lose the car keys. Find a toe in your sock.

You know, the kind of day you'd call off of work in a heartbeat if you had any sick time left.

Or a heartbeat.

But instead you suck it up, use your good eye to find the door, and drag your sorry carcass to work. Because after all, even though you've been leaving piles of wriggling maggots in your wake all morning, you really need this job. And besides, those chicken wings and mozzarella sticks aren't going to serve themselves!