TERRIFIER

Not Rated
2017

Never one to pass up the opportunity to kill strangers and chop off body parts, Art the Clown grabs his Hefty bag full of rusty blades and hammers and dons his most dapper hat then heads out to wreak Halloween havoc on unsuspecting revelers. Two inebriated party goers encounter the rictus grinned lunatic on the dark street, who in turn follows them to the local pizza parlor. The girls are extremely uncomfortable, both because their slutty costumes are pinching their exposed bosoms and because the creepiest clown on Earth keeps staring at them. The mute killer is eventually kicked out for creating the worst (or best, I'm no critic) avant garde feces painting and before you can say "Pennywise is a poser!" the audience is subjected to scenes of graphic violence so intense Eli Roth would probably cover Dr. Mambo's eyes in disgust. Without anything resembling a plot or character development, this film is a test of endurance recommended for seasoned horror fans only. Because when it comes to Halloween, Art is not clowning around.

Terrifier Trailer

LAKE NOWHERE

Not Rated
2014

A masked man dressed like a tree with Thousand Cankers Disease stalks the woods slaughtering self-absorbed college drop outs with a twelve-inch metal phallic that looks like the door panel from a rusty Ford Pinto. But nothing about the story matters. Lake Nowhere's appeal is in its presentation. Edited to look like a bootlegged VHS tape complete with transfer errors and "home video" drop-ins, and front-loaded with bogus Coming Features and a commercial, this grainy grue is best watched as a love letter to the grindhouse era of drive-in movies. Despite its burger-and-fries budget, the acting is decent, the gore is realistic, and the ending is a creep show. If you are old enough to remember the exhilaration of getting your hands on a half-chewed tape of some nasty underground movie your parents refused to let you watch, Lake Nowhere is for you.

Lake Nowhere Trailer
                                                                  

HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER

Not Rated
1986

For ex-con Henry, there is no right side of the bed. Every day, unburdened by a conscience or even a good comb, he roams the countryside slaughtering men, women and children with all the emotion of a goth chick on Thorazine. When the oafish Otis is introduced to Henry's slasher shenanigans, the pair leave a trail of viscera that even the Marquis de Sade would find distasteful. Tensions build after Otis' sister Becky enters the scene and is immediately smitten by Henry's dirty wife-beater undershirt and an apparent ability to go days without blinking. Full of splattered tubs, human stubs and a luggage nightmare even United Airlines couldn't top, Henry doesn't just leave an emotional scar. It gives you one. 

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer Trailer

THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE

Rated R
1982

While her parents are away, Trish invites her friends over to model skimpy pajamas and giggle for no reason. In an absolutely believable coincidence, a murderous lunatic with crazy eyebrows and a super-hip denim outfit has escaped the mental institution and is now making his way to town. Having memorized the script, Mr. Killy-pants heads to their house and begins terrorizing the apparently twenty-seven year old teenagers with an enormous power drill that is completely non-metaphorical and has nothing to do with male domination or penises. Written and directed by women, this casually misogynistic movie was originally conceived as a parody but somehow got filmed as a straight ahead slasher, making it uniquely droll and delightful. Warning: not recommended for pizza delivery drivers.

The Slumber Party Massacre

INTRUDER

Rated R
1989

Someone inside the Walnut Lake Market has taken "everything must go" a little too seriously. While working after hours to slash prices, an anonymous killer is using the store's own machinery to slash the staff, causing a clean-up in aisles three, four and nine, and generally ruining any chance of getting a good referral. When one survivor outlasts her expiration date, the killer is exposed and the real horror begins. This lesser known slasher has great practical effects and features Bruce Campbell, Sam Raimi and Ted Raimi in small but memorable roles. Though flawed, Intruder is a gory good time.


Intruder Trailer

SLEEPAWAY CAMP

Rated R
1983

Shy Angela Baker is at Camp Arawak having the worst summer of her life. Besides dealing with mean girls, an awkward crush and a male counselor who's tight gym shorts indicate he's always happy to see her, she must overcome a childhood trauma that causes her to sit by herself and stare into space a lot. When a killer begins slaughtering cooks, counselors and campers in increasingly diabolical ways, Angela is forced to confront her tragic past to survive. With clever kills, a corny but fun script and a surprise ending that will leave you clawing at your eyes and mumbling incoherently, Sleepaway Camp is a true slasher classic. Followed by three really awful sequels.

Sleepaway Camp Trailer

AUDITION

Rated R
1999
Japanese

A widowed film producer tries to find a girlfriend the old-fashioned way—by inviting pretty young ladies to audition for movies that don't exist. Falling for the hot but "damn that girl is crazy" Asami, he discovers too late that lonely heart strings may ache but piano wire cuts like a mother. Takashi Miike's gore-fest is a test of endurance that will leave you on pins and a whole lot of very sharp, very long needles, while sociopath Asami's gleeful "tee-dee, tee-dee, tee-dee" will haunt all your English subtitled nightmares forever.


Audition Trailer

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

Rated R
2014

Spinal Tap meets Interview With A Vampire when a documentary film crew is invited to film the lives of three typical flatmates who argue over dirty dishes, complain about their privacy and drink the blood of the living. When a novice vampire with a habit of biting off more than he can chew is introduced to the sanguine group, all the paper towels in the world won't be able to clean up the bad blood. With bumbling coppers, insecure werewolves, and the funniest sunlight accident ever put to film, What We Do In The Shadows is a dark comedy you can really sink your, uh...Well, it's pretty good. 


What We Do In The Shadows Trailer

THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

Not Rated
1972
 
Seventeen year old Mari has the worst birthday ever when she and her friend Phyllis try to purchase some gateway drugs and instead find themselves the involuntary guests of freshly escaped convict Krug and his cast of human detritus. After taking the girls into the woods to perform acts that even Spanish Inquisitors would be like, "Oh hell no," the girls are murdered. In a perfectly reasonable coincidence, the gang accidentally shows up at Mari's house where their identity and Mari's fate are exposed. Mari's parents exact revenge in not very nice ways which in turn ruins most of their furniture. Though not great, this film gets one pint for its ridiculous soundtrack and four because David Hess is a freaking lunatic.

Last House On The Left Trailer