SPLINTER

Rated R
2008

A tar-like substance has inexplicably shown up in the middle of the Sherman Gas-and-Go's parking lot and those unfortunate enough to come in contact with it are quickly turned into bone-cracking zombies with porcupine needles sticking out of their faces, which as you can imagine is kind of a downer. So much so that the white-trash convicts and nerdy campers trapped inside the station decide to work together to prevent their own "quill-tastrophe" from happening. Lots of amazing gags (including an almost too realistic field amputation), tight pacing, and a standout performance by Shea Whigham turn this little creature feature into a sharp *ahem* thriller. 

Splinter Trailer

THE GREASY STRANGLER...Grease Is the Word

The Greasy Strangler (NR) 2016


Jim Hoskings' completely ridiculous horror movie is part Pink Flamingos, part This Is Spinal Tap and part Scary-Guy-Covered-In-Axle-Grease-Exposes-His-Weirdly-Shaped-Genitalia-And-Murders-People.

A fried-food craving sociopath (played hilariously by former hair dresser Michael St. Michaels) and his middle-aged son (Sky Escobar) work together on the seedier side of Los Angeles. In order to eek out a living, they charge incredibly stupid people to take a walking tour of decrepit doorways and plastered brick walls that the pair claim are the sites of major events in the history of disco. The long-haired, prune-faced Big Ronnie delivers this made-up history with such a deadpan authority that one can almost overlook the big creepy bulge that protrudes from the crotch of his tight pink pajamas.

Almost.

TOKYO GORE POLICE...Armed To The Teeth

Tokyo Gore Police
(Tokyo Zankoku Keisatsu) (NR) 2008

Trying to top the carnage of his earlier films Suicide Club (2001) and Noriko's Dinner Table (2005), Yoshihiro Nishimura goes full-bore gore in this mutant military mashup that falls squarely between Blade Runner and Ichi the Killer.

Visually it's a gore-hound's wet dream, though the plot is so convoluted that even David Lynch is scratching his head in bewilderment.

FEAST...Flesh And Bone Appetit

Feast (R) 2005

There are rules.

You can't chew gum in school. You can't play "pull my finger" at work. You can't drive naked through a Taco Bell drive thru and order a cheesy gordita. (Even though I'm sure there were no signs.) Without rules, society would break down, the world would be plunged into utter chaos, and I don't even like your stupid cheesy gorditas anyway, you corporate fascists. 

Horror movies are no different. There are certain do's and don'ts to be followed, and diehard fans of the genre know them all. (For example, teenagers who have sex in a cabin while a 6' 9" hatchet killer is on the loose may not have half a brain in their heads, but soon half a brain is all they'll have in their heads.) The familiarity found in most teen scream movies is part of their appeal, and knowing the rules is like gaining membership into an exclusive club, only without all that pesky "human interaction" and "need for hygiene."

Because of this familiarity, film makers have found new ground to till. Movies like Scream and Cabin In the Woods skirt these unwritten rules while winking knowingly at the audience who they assume is in on the joke. But there are also a few films that not only wink at the audience, they slap them on the ass and guffaw in their face.

Feast, a horror comedy from 2005, is an excellent example.