RE-ANIMATOR

Not Rated
1985

Miskatonic University medical student Herbert West may be brilliant but he's also a bit of a whack-a-doodle, especially with the whole "decapitating the annoying professor" thing. But before he ever wields his deadly shovel, his glowing "re-agent" formula is used to bring to life his roommate's dead pet Rufus, a fabulously disgusting hunk of fur and claws. (Also known as "a cat.") Herbert's crazy experiments predictably get him barred from the school and more whack-a-doodleness ensues. Infamous for a scene that redefines "giving head" but not in a good way, this is the movie that made Jeffrey Combs a horror icon. Funny and, uh...very moist, Re-Animator is a gory good time.

Re-Animator Trailer

BLACK SHEEP

Not Rated
2006


A sleazy farm owner who really loves his animals (wink, wink) hires a mad scientist to secretly breed the perfect sheep from a top-secret lab which apparently has a security system just one step below your average iPhone. What comes as a surprise to everyone but the audience is that this new herd is quick, nasty and carnivorous. If they bite you, dying is a blessing. With clever dialogue, memorable characters and gore galore, this dark comedy is a wild and wooly ride. All in all, not ba-a-a-a-ad.

Black Sheep Trailer

TOKYO GORE POLICE...Armed To The Teeth

Tokyo Gore Police
(Tokyo Zankoku Keisatsu) (NR) 2008

Trying to top the carnage of his earlier films Suicide Club (2001) and Noriko's Dinner Table (2005), Yoshihiro Nishimura goes full-bore gore in this mutant military mashup that falls squarely between Blade Runner and Ichi the Killer.

Visually it's a gore-hound's wet dream, though the plot is so convoluted that even David Lynch is scratching his head in bewilderment.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3 (FINAL SEQUENCE)...The Bitter End

The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) (NR) 2015

The Human Centipede: A crazy surgeon sews three people together ass to mouth just to prove that he can.

The Human Centipede II: A mentally disturbed garage attendant staples ten people together ass to mouth after watching the The Human Centipede.

The Human Centipede III: A fascist prison warden decides to sew 500 inmates together ass to mouth after viewing The Human Centipede II.

I don't have inside information on what the plot of a Human Centipede IV might be, but following the above pattern, I assume it would involve a guy in surgical scrubs sewing 1000 theater-goers together ass to mouth as they wait in line to purchase tickets to Human Centipede III.

GROTESQUE (GUROTESUKU)... Separating the Men From Their Boys

Grotesque (Gurotesuku) (NR) 2009

Japanese with English subtitles

You know how you watch certain films and maybe lose track of the characters? "Wait, I thought she was the one who glued the neighbor's cats together?"

Or the continuity? "Wasn't it just summertime? Where'd that decapitated bobsled team come from?"

Or the plot? "So you're telling me the inbred lunatics running around in plastic sheeting are not trying to torture and kill every human being in town, they just need directions to the Gallagher show?" 

Well, have I got good news for you!

HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES...Home Is Where the Heart Is Removed With A Pickaxe

House of 1000 Corpses (R) 2003


Severed arms and legs litter the floor. Flecks of gore drip down the walls. Blood stains soak the couch cushions. Incredibly, every inch of this hellish room is covered in filth and rot.

It's horrible. Just horrible.

The house of 1000 corpses is a pigsty, you guys!

Would it be so hard to take a break from beheading cheerleaders and eviscerating local college kids long enough to wash a dish once in awhile? Maybe vacuum? My goodness.

So awkward.

Anyhoo, like the make-believe lodgings in writer/director Rob Zombie's 1970s-style grindhouse film House of 1000 Corpses, this schizophrenic movie is a blood-soaked mess. But from the throwback cover art to the eclectic soundtrack, it's a blood-soaked mess that will creep the digested food stuffs right out of you.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE)...Black And White And Dread All Over

The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) (NR) 2011

 
So you're thinking about watching The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) on the old DVD player tonight, huh? Maybe turn out the lights, grab a pizza or whatever. Sounds fun. Oh, just one thing.
It was nice knowing ya.

What's that? You've been watching horror movies since you were in utero and have seen everything from a melon baller disembowelment to self-decapitation with a spork? Really? You know what I have to say to that, tough guy?

I freaking DARE you.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE)...Tongue-in-Cheek In More Ways Than One

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (R) 2009


You know how people are constantly thinking about what it would be like to have their mouth surgically grafted onto another person's anus?

Someone should really make a movie about that...